Are You Focusing On What You Really Want?

 

                                                                                  Photo by Deividas Toleikis

Imagine you’re happily driving down a country road on a clear, sunny day. Suddenly a semi-truck crosses the center line and is heading right at you. Heart pounding and adrenaline rushing, you react. Will you avert disaster? Maybe. Maybe not. In this moment, your life depends on where you focus.

Professional driving instructors tell us that what people usually do in emergency situations is to stay focused on the object they are trying to avoid. In driving, where your eyes and mind are focused is most often where you will steer.

Unfortunately, if you were focused on the truck in the situation above you would likely steer right into it. The route to safety is to focus on where you want to go. In this case, you’d look away from the truck to a place that’s safer. You would then automatically steer the car in that direction. Safe!

You may be wondering, “What the heck does that have to do with creating more pleasure, passion, and purpose in my life?”

My response is “A great deal!” As in the example of the truck, your life depends on where you focus.

Focusing on What You Don’t Want Steers You to More of That

Often when we are feeling stuck, dissatisfied, confused, or unhappy we are focused on what we DON’T want. We are looking at the truck we’d like to avoid.

We’re thinking or saying “I don’t want to be in this miserable job another day” or “I don’t want to work on this project” or “I don’t want to have pizza for dinner tonight.”

From the big events to the small details in life, we tend to put a lot of our thoughts and attention on precisely what we don’t want.

So, what’s the problem with that? Well, it’s kind of like steering your car into the truck. The more you focus on what you don’t want, the more you head in that direction.

Your mind is wired to create whatever you focus on.

Napoleon Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich” and Maxwell Maltz’s “Psychocybernetics” are two classic books on this subject. These and other researchers tell us that the mind can’t tell the difference between something you’re thinking about that you want and something you’re thinking about that you do not want.

Whatever you think about, your mind goes to work to make that happen.

Getting More of What You Really Do Want

If you’d like to get more of what you want in life (pleasure, passion, purpose), shift your focus away from what you don’t want and clearly, purposefully towards what you do want.

Your mind will go to work creating that. You’ll get unstuck. Your energy will increase. Solutions, alternatives, and options will come to you more easily.

Here’s a recent personal example. At the end of a long day, I was getting ready to prepare dinner. I’d been grocery shopping and had the ingredients for three complex dishes I hadn’t made before.

Hungry and tired, I reviewed the recipes but quickly became frustrated and overwhelmed. I started saying to myself “I don’t want to make these dishes. I don’t want this to be so hard. I don’t want these recipes to be so complicated.”

Those thoughts increased my agitation. I felt stuck and upset. Then I took a deep breath. I asked myself, “What do I really want in this situation right now?” (Besides a personal chef!)

The answer was “I want to make a healthy and great tasting dinner in a way that is fast and easy for me.”

I quickly saw a solution I’d been unable to see minutes before: make only one of the new dishes that night along with a simple salad and save the other new recipes for another evening.

So that’s what I did. The cooking was less stressful and the food turned out great. I switched from what I didn’t want to what I did want. And it worked!

Are you focused on what you want or what you don’t want?

I know many (maybe most) of us have an ingrained habit pattern that focuses us on what we don’t want. Changing this pattern can be challenging. And I’ve seen with myself and my clients that it’s definitely worth doing!

In Your Life

The more you focus on what you do want, the more pleasure, passion, and purpose you will create in your life. Focus on the clear road ahead, not on the truck coming at you. Try experimenting with this.

1) When you’re feeling stuck, stressed, worried, angry, unhappy, or upset, become aware of what you’re focusing on. You may be focusing on exactly what you don’t want.

2) As soon as you notice you’re focusing on what you DON’T want, ask yourself, “What DO I want in this situation?”

3) Purposefully and intentionally, change your focus to and keep your focus on what you do want.

4) Repeat as needed.

Enjoy!

For more about what you really want, click here.

"How Gratitude Change My Life" STEVE HARVEY EXPLANATION TO SUCCESS (eye ...

Common Mistakes with the Law of Attraction and How to Avoid Them

 

Photo by Quino Al

The Law of Attraction is a great way to start to accomplish your dreams and make your potential successes come true. However, it is possible to overdo it when first getting involved with the Law of Attraction. Many people think that they can simply will their achievements into existence, but it isn’t that easy. You must take a methodical, reasonable approach when using the Law of Attraction to help yourself become successful.

 

A very common mistake that people make with the Law of Attraction is that of thinking too big. Yes, it is important to remain positive and believe that you succeed in anything you put your mind to, but you shouldn’t set yourself up for failure. If you’ve never played the piano before, you’re not going to be writing a symphony within a week. You need to set reasonable expectations and put yourself on a schedule that will help you to learn to do the things you are setting out to do. Use positive thinking as a way to encourage yourself to keep trying to achieve the things that you dream of. However, don’t tell yourself that you’ll be a millionaire in the next few years. Instead, tell yourself that you’ll be gaining the skills and abilities required to be successful.

 

Stubbornness is another common mistake when it comes to the Law of Attraction. Just because you tell yourself that you’re going to be successful doesn’t mean that it’s going to happen in the exact way that you are expecting. Don’t get down on yourself or become frustrated when things don’t go your way. Every failure is a learning experience. The Law of Attraction doesn’t guarantee that you’ll never fail, but what it does do is prepare you to be more able to handle these failures and turn them into successes. Rigidity is a negative trait, so make sure to shed that philosophy if you plan on using the Law of Attraction to make your life better.

 

Many people jump into the Law of Attraction with unrealistic goals. As we’ve mentioned, it’s important to keep your head on straight and set realistic expectations. You don’t want to lie to yourself by using the Law of Attraction. If you haven’t yet become a great musician, you don’t want to tell yourself “I’m a great musician.” Rather, you want to harness positive energy and tell yourself “I’m on my way to becoming a great musician” or “This learning process is a positive and beneficial experience.” The Law of Attraction isn’t about making things up. Rather, it’s about letting yourself know that there is a process in place and that you are capable of carrying it out. Don’t try to break the laws of physics or biology – simply try to give yourself the tools necessary to help you achieve your goals and become independently successful.